There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. However, being compatible plays a huge part in relationship success.
Compatibility in a relationship is determined by having similar views and opinions on the important matters in your life, with the ability to accept one another and tolerate the differences.
We all have differences, but incompatibility occurs when their differences prevent the couple from living harmoniously, together.
Intense incompatibilities can create shame within the relationship. This shame results in pressure for people to change; whether that’s a person trying to change something about themselves or expecting change from their partner. However, shame isn’t an effective tool if you want sustainable, healthy relationship growth with mutual respect and understanding. In fact, according to relationship expert John Gottman, criticism (expression of dissatisfaction about the perceived flaws of the other partner) is one of the leading predictors of divorce in couples.
One of the hardest signs of incompatibility is when a person feels rejected or unloved for who they are. The mutual shame is intensified if one or both partners feels pressure to deny their authentic selves to conform to the demands of the relationship. If the change isn’t genuine or sustainable, it could result in resentment or the gradual return of original differences.
The good news? If you’re struggling with compatibility, couples therapy can be very helpful. According to Dr. John Gottman, 69% of problems in couples are perpetual. You can use the principles of couples therapy to help come to a common ground, reconnect in an alternative way, and cultivate mutual understanding to increase the tolerance of your differences. Check out some principles below to help!